Flex The Page

Author: Aina

  • You don’t want to be seen, but you just want to be noticed.

    I’m fully aware of when I’m in my people-pleasing era. I did everything I could to help others. To some extent, I was extremely kind to them, until I reached the point where I sacrificed my own time and my own plans just to be there for others.

    Picture source : Published byMaleelovesyou on pinterest

    I thought it would fill my emptiness. I always tried to cheer myself up by helping others, because that’s what my parents taught me. But deep down, I started questioning my attitude: “Why am I doing this? Am I even sincere in doing all of this?” Or even worse, I ended up comparing my efforts to other people’s, hoping they would see me as a kind-hearted person.

    Until one day, I burst into tears. All of a sudden, the feelings of being tired, lonely, confused, and guilty struck me all at once. And guess what? Nothing happened. The people around me, the ones I used to give my attention to, didn’t even notice that I was struggling. The confusing part is that I kept being nice, even though I had nothing good left for myself.

    After feeling tired enough, there I was, lying on my bed with no distractions: no phone, no doomscrolling, no music. Just lying there, doing nothing. All of a sudden, I realized something.

    My excessive kindness was my way of craving attention and empathy. The care I always gave, such as “I’ve noticed you’re not in a good mood, are you okay?”, “If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to call me,” and “It’s okay, I’ll be there for you,” were things I needed too. I did that for others in the hope that I would receive the same in return, because it’s unfamiliar to me to ask others for help directly.

    Lying in bed in silence made me realize that I also need that kind of attention, that kind of care, and that kind of excitement whenever I receive help. But instead, I got none. I gave away the very things I needed and was craving myself.

    Does that mean I should stop being kind and caring toward others? No, that’s not what I mean. But I’ve become more aware that I’m full of love and care, and that’s why I’ve been giving it for so long. I just forgot that I have my own limits too. I need energy to give it all. So the question is: how can I give love and care to others when I have no energy left? And how do I get it back? Simply by giving love and care to myself first, and telling myself that I am the care and the love I’ve been looking for.

    I hope I will find the right people, those who have the same energy, the same vibe, and the same level of caring, so that I don’t have to keep hiding behind people-pleasing as a way of helping myself.

    I don’t want to be seen. I just want to be noticed by the right people.

    Hi, thank you for reading my feelings. I’m just here to feel the feeling again, to be a human again, because lately i can feel nothing. i hope you doing fine out there, and hope life keeps teaching you a good lesson, and I hope you will always have the capability to understand the life lesson.

  • What will remain if you lost everything external?

    Who am I without my perfect social media pictures? Without my cute and cool outfits? Without my parents’ wealth?

    And the funny thing is, once I ask myself these questions, the first thing that comes to my mind is, “Would people still accept me? Would people still want to be friends with me?”

    It’s funny how the first thought that comes to my mind is always about what other people think or perhaps, the fear of being rejected by society.

    After i tried and tried, surprisingly, I mentioned every good thing within me that I had somehow almost forgotten. I have a pure heart. I always try to see everyone through the lens of their experiences. I am an observer, so it isn’t that easy for me to judge one person at one time.

    I have this urge to always keep trying new things, to keep trying to become better every single time, and to expand my experiences so I can have a better understanding of the world around me.

    This question also makes me reflect on my current society. Imagine if we keep relying on everyone’s validation, starting to see people based on “What do they have?” Wouldn’t it become so difficult for us to actually see people more clearly?

    I mean, shouldn’t we look at people for their character, what they care about, how they think about certain things, and how much empathy they have?

    As a result, people become easier to be fooled and easier to influence into doing things that they don’t actually need to do. For example, “Use this product to make yourself feel more beautiful,” or “Wear this to make yourself look more elegant and cooler.”

    And then, people become wasteful.

    I mean, people don’t think and reflect anymore. Most of them use other people’s net worth as a measurement to compare their own worth and value. It’s actually pretty sad, not gonna lie.

    So, perhaps it’s not really about finding the answer to this question. It’s more about reflecting on how comfortable we are with thinking and questioning ourselves, so that we can become a better version of ourselves.

    Is this going to be our end?

    A generation that starts to stop thinking and reflecting. A generation where everybody wants to be everybody else. A generation where the truth is based on how many people believe it is true—just like the Consensus Theory of Truth.

  • Beauty standard, Patriarchy and Capitalism

    A strong reason why women should start learning about themselves. It’s more than just about the market.

    You see those white-skinned, high-bridged noses and perfect teeth in TikTok videos and start comparing yourself to them, even wishing that you had a “perfect” body like theirs or, at least, that kind of beauty. Then, you start searching for products that could make you feel “beautiful” just like them: skincare products, makeup, and fashion items, and you check them out immediately. Will it end there? No. It’s a loop—a never-ending cycle.

    Let me identify what beauty standards actually are. They are a set of “ideal” yet illogical standards that society expects women to meet. These standards are constantly shown through films, social media, magazine covers, and advertisements.

    I am not saying that taking care of your physical appearance is bad, but it’s about how well you understand what you’re doing and why you’re doing it. Nowadays, being a woman is quite tough. The internet keeps showing us what an “ideal” and “perfect” appearance should look like and how you can achieve it with certain products.

    The question is, why? Why does the media keep showing these unrealistic ideals? Why does the media keep projecting that being “beautiful” means being worthy?

    To be honest, I couldn’t think that clearly about this, but I think it’s more than just the market. It’s more than simply “keeping the market alive.” It becomes a form of control—a control without being physically imposed. Unfortunately, society contributes to this control as well. Men keep women focused only on their appearance. They limit women’s potential by creating such standards.

    And what exactly happens when we don’t fit into these beauty standards? Internally, women start to feel anxious or even depressed because they are constantly told how they should look. externally, society sometimes would treat them “differently” even treat them “unfair” in certain level. 

    How many times, you meet people with such beauty standard being treated more kind and respect,rather than the one who actually “not fit into beauty standard” ?

    On top of that, many beauty campaigns in the skincare industry focus on anti-acne products or reducing dead skin. “Bye-Bye Acne!” or “Look perfectly young at the age of 30,” or “Get rid of dull skin,” while the posters they show often feature a woman with a bronzed complexion who is transformed into someone with white skin.

    They make normal things such as wrinkles and acne seem like something’s wrong with you, when, in fact, they are completely normal parts of being human.

    The media opens the door to keep repeating these ideas and makes everyone constantly feeling insecure about themselves, feeling like they are never enough. By the end of the day, they sell products to supposedly make “women feel better.” Sadly, women won’t have enough mental space to think about their potential or the things they are actually capable of doing, because the media and society forced us to keep thingking about “how to be beautiful”. 

    So, as women, it is really important for us to be knowledgeable and aware of what is happening around us. What if we don’t? Then it slowly starts becoming a form of control over women. Men will keep your focus only on your physical appearance. They won’t let you become fully confident or think about your potential because they don’t want you to. They’ll have complete control over your focus.

    That’s why it is really important to have a good awareness of what is happening around us.

  • Would the world be better if there were no beauty privilege?

    Is it true because of the beauty or the desire to be seen?

    I often hear that beauty can solve at least 50% of your problems. Once you have beauty that fits social standards, it means you are easier to listen to, easier to notice, and easier to get new opportunities. Even to fulfill basic human needs, we still need to cover our faces with makeup just to be seen and heard.

    When I was young, I never thought that being labeled “ugly” or “unpretty” would be a big deal. I thought I would still have my books and my drawings. I thought people out there would be kind and pure at heart. People would eventually be heard, because that’s the function and reason why we have ears and hearts.

    And then there’s a question: would life be better when there’s no beauty privilege? Would I shut my mouth if I had at least one criterion from society’s beauty standards? Bright to white skin, a pointed nose, straight teeth, clear skin. I have none. Would the “uglies” have their own opportunity to at least survive in this world?

    I keep repeating the question: would the world be better when there’s no beauty privilege? I guess yes. But there would be another comparison. It might not be beauty, maybe something else that can be seen. Maybe it’s about how big your eyes are, or maybe about how smart you are. The numbers would be crazy. Everything would be counted in numbers, because there’s nothing to compare before we test it out, since they are unseen.

    Maybe it’s not about “beauty privilege,” but actually about arrogance. Human nature. The need to be seen and to feel better than others. The bias. I think even when beauty privilege does not exist, humans will eventually create another hierarchy.