Category: Uncategorized

I’m fully aware of when I’m in my people-pleasing era. I did everything I could to help others. To some extent, I was extremely kind to them, until I reached the point where I sacrificed my own time and my own plans just to be there for others.

^{Picture source : Published byMaleelovesyou on pinterest}

I thought it would fill my emptiness. I always tried to cheer myself up by helping others, because that’s what my parents taught me. But deep down, I started questioning my attitude: “Why am I doing this? Am I even sincere in doing all of this?” Or even worse, I ended up comparing my efforts to other people’s, hoping they would see me as a kind-hearted person.

Until one day, I burst into tears. All of a sudden, the feelings of being tired, lonely, confused, and guilty struck me all at once. And guess what? Nothing happened. The people around me, the ones I used to give my attention to, didn’t even notice that I was struggling. The confusing part is that I kept being nice, even though I had nothing good left for myself.

After feeling tired enough, there I was, lying on my bed with no distractions: no phone, no doomscrolling, no music. Just lying there, doing nothing. All of a sudden, I realized something.

My excessive kindness was my way of craving attention and empathy. The care I always gave, such as “I’ve noticed you’re not in a good mood, are you okay?”, “If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to call me,” and “It’s okay, I’ll be there for you,” were things I needed too. I did that for others in the hope that I would receive the same in return, because it’s unfamiliar to me to ask others for help directly.

Lying in bed in silence made me realize that I also need that kind of attention, that kind of care, and that kind of excitement whenever I receive help. But instead, I got none. I gave away the very things I needed and was craving myself.

Does that mean I should stop being kind and caring toward others? No, that’s not what I mean. But I’ve become more aware that I’m full of love and care, and that’s why I’ve been giving it for so long. I just forgot that I have my own limits too. I need energy to give it all. So the question is: how can I give love and care to others when I have no energy left? And how do I get it back? Simply by giving love and care to myself first, and telling myself that I am the care and the love I’ve been looking for.

I hope I will find the right people, those who have the same energy, the same vibe, and the same level of caring, so that I don’t have to keep hiding behind people-pleasing as a way of helping myself.

I don’t want to be seen. I just want to be noticed by the right people.

---

Hi, thank you for reading my feelings. I’m just here to feel the feeling again, to be a human again, because lately i can feel nothing. i hope you doing fine out there, and hope life keeps teaching you a good lesson, and I hope you will always have the capability to understand the life lesson.

Who am I without my perfect social media pictures? Without my cute and cool outfits? Without my parents’ wealth?

And the funny thing is, once I ask myself these questions, the first thing that comes to my mind is, “Would people still accept me? Would people still want to be friends with me?”

It’s funny how the first thought that comes to my mind is always about what other people think or perhaps, the fear of being rejected by society.

After i tried and tried, surprisingly, I mentioned every good thing within me that I had somehow almost forgotten. I have a pure heart. I always try to see everyone through the lens of their experiences. I am an observer, so it isn’t that easy for me to judge one person at one time.

I have this urge to always keep trying new things, to keep trying to become better every single time, and to expand my experiences so I can have a better understanding of the world around me.

This question also makes me reflect on my current society. Imagine if we keep relying on everyone’s validation, starting to see people based on “What do they have?” Wouldn’t it become so difficult for us to actually see people more clearly?

I mean, shouldn’t we look at people for their character, what they care about, how they think about certain things, and how much empathy they have?

As a result, people become easier to be fooled and easier to influence into doing things that they don’t actually need to do. For example, “Use this product to make yourself feel more beautiful,” or “Wear this to make yourself look more elegant and cooler.”

And then, people become wasteful.

I mean, people don’t think and reflect anymore. Most of them use other people’s net worth as a measurement to compare their own worth and value. It’s actually pretty sad, not gonna lie.

So, perhaps it’s not really about finding the answer to this question. It’s more about reflecting on how comfortable we are with thinking and questioning ourselves, so that we can become a better version of ourselves.

Is this going to be our end?

A generation that starts to stop thinking and reflecting. A generation where everybody wants to be everybody else. A generation where the truth is based on how many people believe it is true—just like the Consensus Theory of Truth.

---